The 13th Floor

Snake Invaders: Why Are So Many Giant Serpents Breaking Into People’s Homes?

It’s enough to make you go all Samuel L. Jackson: over the past couple of months, international news has been filled with stories of gigantic snakes slithering into people’s bedrooms, bathrooms, and even children’s playgrounds.

It’s not isolated to a single region, either; these stories have been appearing with alarming frequency from all over the world. (Don’t worry, Australia, you’re still #1.)

It wasn’t too long ago we reported on snakes dropping from ceilings in grade school classrooms, spiraling down from attic trapdoors, and crawling out of toilet bowls to bite people’s naughty bits… but lately, the reptilian home invaders have been getting a lot bigger.

For example, let’s examine a recent case in Fangchenggang, China (yes, even the name of the town has fangs in it), where UPI reports a fire & rescue crew struggled with grappling poles and nooses to remove a seven-foot python from a man’s bathroom. The snake, which weighed nearly 30 pounds, was transported alive from the residence in a garbage bag.

Around the same time comes a report from Westbrook, Maine, where a “very large” snake was allegedly sighted on a playground adjacent to the Presumpscot River. The eeriest part of this story is that snakes of that size are not found in the region. Rob Christian, president of the Maine Herpetological Society, told WMTW News that the witness probably exaggerated the snake’s size, speculating that it was a smaller and more common water snake.

And now for something completely different… or not: let’s check in on our friends in Australia again (see?), where Trina Hibberd, a resident of Mission Beach, Queensland, received a rude awakening — literally — from yet another uninvited python… but this serpentine behemoth measured a horrifying seventeen feet long.

Hibberd, who posted a video of the python to Facebook, nicknamed the humongous visitor “Monty” (get it?), and claims the creature has been living in her attic for ten years. He was finally removed by an expert snake-wrangler and transported to a pond in the Cassowary Coast Regional Council area “to help with a rat infestation.”

Okay, is it too early to call it a sign of the snakepocalypse? Nah, I’m totally calling it. Just remember you heard it here first.