The 13th Floor

‘Wrinkles the Clown’ is Terrifying Children… and Getting Paid for It

Don’t stare too long into the hollow, dead eyes of “Wrinkles,” the pudgy, pasty-faced clown who has been terrorizing residents of Naples, Florida for years… but if you’re interested in hiring him to scare the shit out of your kids, he’s apparently available.

Wrinkles has become an infamous figure in the area, showing up in public places and occasionally outside people’s homes, and lately he’s become such a viral sensation that he’s been able to make a career out of clowning. According to the Washington Post, he’s reportedly offering his services to parents who want him to scare their kids into behaving.

Wrinkles, who says he’s a 65-year-old veteran from Rhode Island, claims a woman recently asked if she could pay him to scare her delinquent 12-year-old son, whom she knew had a serious fear of clowns. He agreed — and it worked. Now, if the boy misbehaves again, she’s threatened to bring Wrinkles back.

Wrinkles told the Post that he’s always wanted to be a professional clown – but unlike most clowns-for-hire, he’s not really a fan of children. “When I was a kid, it was okay to scare kids,” he said, “and now they’re all whiny… I want to bring scary back.”

But that’s not even the creepiest part of the story: since his viral spike in popularity, Wrinkles claims he’s been approached by some rather… uh, dubious would-be clients, including people who want him to hide a body, or women interested in kinky clown sex, “weird goths with chains and stuff.” He always declines.

“I’ve had enough psycho women in my life already,” Wrinkles admits. “That’s why I’m divorced.”

Wrinkles is also a regular news topic at the Palm Beach Post, where I found this nightmarish video…