The 13th Floor

School Kids Terrified by Emergency Alert from “Humoctopus From the Future”

A primary school in Woodland, Washington went under emergency lockdown yesterday after the following bizarre announcement reportedly came over PA loudspeakers throughout the building:

This is a Humoctopus. I am speaking to you from the future. Run for your lives, wretched humans! I will smash you all! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Understandably, a large number of very young students were absolutely terrified.

KGW8 News reported on the incident that caused widespread panic, and interviewed some of the clearly distressed students — some of whom reportedly hid under their desks.

“I picked my daughter up from school and she comes running up to me from the bus,” parent Scott Summers told KGW8. He went on to say his six-year-old daughter Paisley told him she’d heard the warning from “an octopus that’s gonna smash my eyes with a hammer!”

Paisley herself also told reporters about the incident: “It was really scary… I thought it was real. I was crying.”

The ominous prank was confirmed by numerous witnesses, and the school principal sent a voicemail to the parents of each student following the brief lockdown, followed by a printed note given to each child to bring home explaining the circumstances of the weird message — which turns out to be a preset intercom system test, recorded several years ago:

“This test message was an error made as a result of the IT department testing the InformaCast announcement system,” the voicemail said. “The fictional test message was intended to be a joke, with a gruff voice claiming to be the humoctopus from the future who proceeded to make threats against present day humanity.”

Considering recent real-life school tragedies weighing heavily on the public consciousness, no one was laughing at the “joke”… and enraged families of some Woodland students are considering taking action against those responsible.


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