The 13th Floor

Wanna Hook Up With a Ghost Hottie From Thailand’s Urban Legend?

In Thailand —  the so-called “Land of Smiles” — we believe in something deeper than meets the eye: those spirits, ghosts, and other dark entities that we can’t see or explain, but have nevertheless become one of our favorite (and unavoidable) aspects of our culture.

Since the old days, we’ve been told countless creepy urban legends that no other countries would have ever imagined… and today I’m about to share one of the most famous of these. It’s all about a haunted banana tree lady… and of course, I’m going to tell you how to actually hook up with her, if you’re so inclined. If you’re sick of constantly swiping left on Tinder, maybe it’s time for you to put that life-sucking phone down and give yourself a real romantic challenge.

But before I get into the dating details, let’s learn more about our banana lady here, known as Nang Taneee.

Image Credit: Xavier Romero-Frias/Wikimedia Commons

Nang Tanee is a young, beautiful woman spirit who was cursed by karma in a previous life, and became trapped in the banana tree to pay for her sins. According to legend, she has a long, straight silky hair, dresses with leaf-green straps wrapped around her body, with soft pink palms and peach-red lips… combined with an irresistible lure of fresh banana scent filling the air around her.

Nang Tanee often seduces young men for casual sex… but if you’re the kind who wants to be in control (and are willing to deal with the downsides to dating a ghost — even the lovely, seductive kind), here’s the good part: Nang Tanee’s body type is basically equivalent to the size and shape of any banana tree you choose. In other words, it’s entirely up to you to pick the tree/body that matches your preference.

Image Credit: iStock/Leonsbox

Sound good? Now it’s time to take her out on a date.

But take note — just as with a mortal human, the same rules apply here: your dedication, commitment, and honesty will be put to the test. First off, find a blossoming banana tree with buds hanging directly from the middle of its root — because that will be the tree Nang Tanee possesses. Then bring her some nice jewelry and clothes, and hang those around the banana buds — making it look like you are dressing her up.

Then, every following night you must pay her a visit… and you should come prepared with your most charming flirtatious speech to soften her heart and soul. Also — and this is critical — don’t forget to shave off the outer layer near the root of that tree and carve it into the a shape of a woman, and keep the shape all in one piece.

Now, it’s up to you to keep up the charm, and hope that it works. If you’re lucky, Miss Tanee will eventually appear to you in a dream, which is the sign of approval that she has finally given you her heart… and I should probably mention that she now considers you her husband.

As most couples know, marriage is not always a bed of roses… and thereby lies the scary part of this legend: If you ever think of cheating on Nang Tanee with another living soul, you will be doomed.

TANEE (2006)

Nang Tanee has no mercy for dishonest men, and will not hesitate to break your neck at the exact moment you climb into bed with anyone other than her. That may sound savage (although you kind of had it coming)… but if it’s really your desire to have more than one spouse, believe it or not, Nang Tanee is actually a fairly reasonable spirit. In some cases, she may allow you a second, mortal wife, but with one important caveat: You must still treat Nang Tanee as your royal wife, superior to all others… because she would never allow her goddess-like dignity to be undermined by a mere mortal.

Another downside of dating Nang Tanee is that love between the living and the dead doesn’t last very long; soon enough, the dead will consume the power of living souls, and those who “date” Nang Tanee tend to slowly get sick and become drained of life force, until they eventually die.

So now it’s time to ask yourself an important question: Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the ultimate life-or-death dating experience? If you say yes, then I wish all the best for you… because if the vow “Til Death Do Us Part” means anything, it sure means a hell of a lot in this relationship.