The 13th Floor

Spiders, Snakes, Dolls, Trolls and More From Today’s Horrific Headlines

Image Credit: Gardner Police Department

Are you currently buttocks-deep in holiday stress? Yeah, I feel ya there. But relax, we’re here to help… and by “help,” I mean I’m about to show you some incredibly disturbing stuff that’s actually (or allegedly, depending on your level of skepticism) happening in the world around us, to help put our day-to-day problems in perspective. Yes, times are tough for us all, but at least we can assume you’re not currently being murdered by bees (well, hopefully… I don’t know your life).

Think of this piece as a very aggressive brain-cleansing: it might hurt a bit, but you’ll be healthier when it’s over. Or not. Hell, we’re not doctors or anything.

Image Credit: YouTube
Image Credit: YouTube

Huge Spider Goes Hunting for Bees… and Pays the Ultimate Price

The whole “pick on somebody your own size” rule doesn’t seem to apply in the wild… but once in a while, even big-bug bullies can sorely underestimate their potential victims.

Let’s face it — the world bee population is under enough threat lately without also having to deal with giant spiders… but at least in this case, the busy little buzzers are more than capable of dealing with that particular threat. Seriously, these bees are hardcore.

The horrifying footage above, shot by a beekeeper in Washington, shows a very large arachnid known as a Fishing Spider, who thought some of this hive’s protector drones would make perfect little bite-size snacks. If you can bear to watch what happens next, you’ll see that was a very poor choice on the spider’s part.


Giant “Pyramid” Discovered Beneath Antarctic Snow

If this story doesn’t immediately remind you of AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS, then maybe you need to brush up on your H.P.Lovecraft. Oh sure, there’s a perfectly rational explanation for this discovery… but maybe that’s just what the Elder Gods want you to think.

Several legit science publications — and more than a few sketchy conspiracy sites — have been circulating eerie images of a mountain formation in Antarctica in which the tallest structure appears to be a near-perfect pyramid. The peculiar (and unnamed) peak is one of several along the Ellsworth Mountain range, originally discovered in 1935, and the site of numerous fossil finds — some dating back 500 million years.

Despite all the buzz about secret Illuminati bases and alien settlements, geological experts assert the mountain’s shape is likely caused by liquid water entering cracks in the rock, then expanding when it freezes, eventually shearing off large, straight-edged chunks.

“Pyramid shapes are not impossible,” professor Eric Rignot recently told LiveScience. “Many peaks partially look like pyramids, but they only have one to two faces like that, rarely four.”

Image Credit: Anton Meijer via YouTube
Image Credit: Anton Meijer via YouTube

A Deadly Cobra May Still Be Hiding in This Apartment’s Plumbing System

We’ve experienced the whole “snake-in-the-crapper” scenario before, but in any of our previous coverage, the invading serpents were finally removed from the premises… but things turned out a little differently at the Glenletta Courts apartment complex in Pretoria, South Africa.

One of the building’s tenants, Anton Meijer, shot footage of professional snake wrangler Barry Greenshields as he attempted to pull an eight-foot, highly venomous snouted cobra from a toilet bowl. Unfortunately, the cobra was too stubborn, and Greenshields was unsuccessful; after a few tries, the snake managed to retreat into the pipes. At least as of this writing, it’s probably still in there.

It’s one thing to check the bowl before sitting down (I’m sure that’s best practice in Australia), but these tenants may have to figure out how to take care of business while standing up.

Image Credit: Craigslist Orlando
Image Credit: Craigslist Orlando

Someone Gave Away This Doll on Craigslist… But There’s a Catch

Earlier this week, a posting surfaced on Craigslist in Orlando, Florida offering something called a “Vesil Doll” at the reasonable price of zero dollars. But if sketchy Craigslist ads have taught us anything, it’s that nothing comes without strings attached; in this case, those strings just might be of supernatural origin… because the former owner claims the doll contains the spirit of a dead child.

“His name is Herbie, and he is from Texas,” the doll’s current owner wrote in the ad [edited slightly here for clarity]. “His parents were drug addicts and he died from neglect. He is a happy little spirit that likes to watch cartoons and play with the radio and electronics. He needs a very good home… we work a lot, so [we] do not have time to spend with him.”

Update: the ad has now been taken down, so one might assume Herbie found a new home… unless, of course, he didn’t take kindly to the notion of being relocated. Hmm.

Image Credit: Gardner Police Department
Image Credit: Gardner Police Department

Wildlife Officials Search for Mountain Lions, Find Very Weird Humans Instead

Some would say trolling is purely the domain of spiteful, cowardly sociopaths… but then again, maybe they’re just doing it wrong. A group of inventive (and possibly insane) pranksters decided to invent a new pastime trolling security cameras, after park authorities in Gardner, Kansas received multiple reports of mountain lion sightings in the area.

Wildlife officials mounted two motion-activated cameras in the park in an attempt to photograph the alleged felines, which are quite a rarity in the region (it’s about 30 miles from the heart of downtown Kansas City). Monday morning, they were rewarded with some impressive images… but the subjects were not quite what they expected.

Image Credit: Gardner Police Department
Image Credit: Gardner Police Department

Instead of lions, the cameras snapped images of people in bizarre costumes — including a white gorilla, two lions (who were apparently wrestling), a lady werewolf in high-heeled boots (I think), an old man in a walker, and even Santa Claus. Police have yet to prove the “lion sightings” were also a hoax orchestrated by the same pranksters, but it’s looking like more than a coincidence.

As of today, the perps have not been identified, but authorities admit being rather amused by the pictures… so, mission accomplished, then?

Image Credit: Michael Luciano via YouTube
Image Credit: Michael Luciano via YouTube

This Man Drove Through a Raging Wildfire… and Recorded the Entire Horrifying Ordeal

I’ve stated before on these pages that the real world is far more horrifying than the scariest movie you could ever imagine. There may be some of you who disagree, and of course you’re perfectly entitled to your opinion… even if it’s totally wrong.

As proof, I present the following:

If you missed the latest headlines, an extremely aggressive forest fire broke out in Tennessee’s Great Smoky Mountains this week, and strong winds and drought conditions have pushed the flames into heavily-occupied areas. The popular resort town of Gatlinburg, about 40 miles southeast of Knoxville, has been heaviest hit by the blaze, which destroyed hundreds of homes and is responsible for at least three fatalities.

Over 14,000 people have evacuated the area… and some of them literally ran for their lives. Such is the case of Michael Luciano, who managed to escape the flames by car. His passenger managed to film the nightmarish escape — and the video you see above is now horrifying thousands of viewers via YouTube.