With Halloween just around the corner, just about every news outlet is digging around for stories about ghosts, monsters, occult happenings and unexplained phenomena, in order to feed the content machine with as many attention-grabbing spooky headlines as possible… but here at the Blumhouse offices, those topics are just everyday breakroom conversation, so it’s easy to forget the rest of the world (apart from you, dear reader) isn’t quite as obsessed with creepy shit as we are.
With that said, I’ve been a bit remiss in posting my recurring real-life-horror news roundup, and it’s high time I closed that reporting gap with a new breakdown of extremely nightmarish things going on in the “real world” (maybe) over the past couple of weeks. Be sure to watch the clips too, so your nightmares tonight will have lots of vivid details…
Horrified Hiker Stumbles Upon Real-Life BLAIR WITCH Scenario
It’s still up for debate as to whether this video was deliberately staged… but if it is, my hat’s off to the filmmakers for their dedication to realism. The video was first uploaded on October 3 by Dateline 4:20 (that name alone should cast suspicion, but the user insists the footage isn’t a joke), by an unnamed videographer. Narrating as he goes, the man is distressed to find multiple missing-persons posters nailed to trees while hiking through a wooded park in Suffolk County, NY.
After finding an abandoned campground, then hearing strange voices from the forest, he puts out a “distress call” to his social media followers — in part, he claims, to make sure he doesn’t become a missing person himself, and also to inquire about any related reports of similar strange incidents in the area.
Surprisingly, local police did provide a possible explanation for the mysterious posters and other odd disturbances shown in the clips above, but the circumstances still remain unexplained as of this writing.
Nightmarish Japanese Ad Shows “Ronald McDonald” Doing Very Bad Things
Just when I thought I’d done more than enough coverage on the ever-escalating global epidemic of creepy clown stalkers, someone comes along and ups the ante on the widespread “clowns just want to kill you and wear your skin” hysteria. At least this clip is probably just an adept and highly disturbing parody… but it’s arguably the first time recognizable fast-food mascot Ronald McDonald (or a reasonable facsimile) joined the party.
The viral clip below, which is being passed off as a legitimate Japanese advertisement, depicts the famous clown partaking in some decidedly stalkerish activities — including standing outside a woman’s window, then hiding under a teen’s bed.
While the authenticity of the ad is questionable (to put it mildly), it does speak to a larger problem the restaurant chain is experiencing thanks to the widespread and escalating epidemic of clown-trolling: a spokesperson for McDonald’s issued a recent statement about “the current climate around clown sightings in communities,” and are either suspending or postponing Ronald’s live appearances in public events for the foreseeable future.
Snake Catcher Opens Sack of Serpents, Entire Internet Craps Itself
To Saleem Khan, a professional snake catcher employed by the government of Bhopal, India, the clip below just depicts an ordinary day on the job — a day in which he released over 300 snakes into the wild, after removing them from human-inhabited areas. But to the rest of the world, this man is opening a giant bag of nightmares before our very eyes.
“We released 285 rat snakes deep inside the forest,” Khan told Newslions Media. “The same day, we released as many as 60 poisonous snakes, including cobras.”
Khan, whom locals have modestly nicknamed “Saleem the Snake Man,” claims to round up hundreds of snakes per month, including some found in the houses of high-ranking officials and celebrities. “So far I have rescued and released 220,000 snakes in the jungles of Panchmadhi,” he said.
Man Claims Ghost Tried to Get in His Pants — Literally
This story isn’t nearly as naughty as the headline suggests… but hey, who am I to pass up an opportunity for a bad joke?
Apparently, 36-year-old Antony Dunleavy didn’t think it was quite as funny; he recently told the Mirror that one leg of his trousers, which he’d just tossed over the back of the sofa, suddenly began to move on its own one night.
“I checked for drafts,” said Dunleavy, who claimed to be alone in the house when he filmed the paranormal slacks-tivity depicted in the above clip. “There were no windows open, no heating on, no fire on.” He also noted that this was not the first time he felt an unseen presence in the house, including a mysterious scratching noise.