Courtesy warning to all arachnophobes: this will not be a fun read for you… and it also gets kinda naughty toward the end.
I’ve managed over the past few months to bypass horrifying news reports of rampaging and occasionally deadly spiders (sorry, I’ve been busy), but this story is just too good to pass up… and by “good,” I mean “bursting with shit-the-bed nightmares.”
This incident happened almost exactly one year after a very similar account was reported in the UK, involving a bunch of bananas and a cluster of arachnids commonly known as Brazilian wandering spiders (also known as the armed spider or banana spider), a highly venomous species which currently ranks in the Guinness Book of World Records as the deadliest spider on Earth.
According to the Mirror, 28-year-old Ashley Gamble and his partner Sophia Newcombe were unpacking groceries from their local ASDA market when Newcombe noticed a small white cocoon attached to a bunch of bananas. Shocked, she dropped them immediately, and the impact sent dozens of the lethal critters scurrying in all directions.
Gamble tried to vacuum up all the spiders he could find, but he wasn’t 100% certain he got them all, so the couple decided to escape their home with their two children until the proper pest-control measures could be taken.
“It was like something out of a horror movie,” Gable said, in what may be the understatement of the year.
Okay, here’s the naughty part: the wandering spider’s venom, an incredibly powerful neurotoxin called “PhTx3” which can trigger agonizing abdominal cramps and convulsions, also has another peculiar side-effect in human males: massive boners.
That’s right — male victims of the spider’s bite will often experience involuntary erections lasting several hours. But before you go thinking this is some kind of creepy natural Viagra (and yes, there are scientists researching that possibility), you should know that these hardons are said to be extremely painful, and will end in agonizing death if antivenom is not administered in time.