The 13th Floor

This Boy’s Homemade “Spongebob Diary” Quickly Turns From Adorable to Horrifying

If there’s anything we’ve learned about children’s cartoons, it’s that they can be deeply disturbing if you think about them long enough.

One such example is the beloved kids’ series SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, now in its fifteenth year on Nickelodeon.

Image Credit: Nickelodeon
Image Credit: Nickelodeon

Just think about Spongebob’s world for a moment… he lives in a community called “Bikini Bottom,” which if taken at face value, implies that he lives in the lower half of a lady’s bathing suit. He also works at a restaurant called “The Krusty Krab,” which not only suggests some kind of uncomfortable infestation in the aforementioned pants area, but also overtly depicts this sentient sea creature serving up burgers presumably made of crab meat… under the direction of an employer who is clearly defined as a crab, therefore endorsing commercialized cannibalism.

[Also, there’s this whole legend of “Squidward’s Suicide,” which we covered in our first creepypasta overview… that’s another story altogether.]

Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter
Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter

But let’s put all that aside and look at this handmade journal — written by a boy named Jack Rowee from County Mayo in Ireland when he was nine years old — in which he composes personal letters to the cartoon character, usually professing his adoration for the absorbent little fellow and asking questions about Spongebob’s depressed co-worker Squidward.

“Is there a reason Squid is never happy? Because I would like to see him nice to you and Pat [the starfish],” Jack inquires. “[B]ut I think that will never ever happen in [the] life of him.”

Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter
Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter

But a few pages into the diary, things start to get a bit weird… like, extreme body-horror weird.

Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter
Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter

“Dear Spongebob,” Jack writes later in the book, “I wish I was yellow like you and have holes in my body just like you. I may seem like a copycat but I am not. Maybe I can paint my face yellow and drill holes in my face.”

It might have seemed like an innocent fantasy to a nine-year-old, but it kinda creeped out the grown-up Jack, who read again it nine years later, after his brother dug it out of storage.

Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter
Image Credit: Jack Rowee via Twitter

“I found the diary on the family’s computer desk,” Jack recently told the UK Mirror. “My brother left it there for everyone to see!”

While his initial reaction was embarrassment, Jack confessed to being rather freaked by the extremes of his young imagination.

“What child wants to drill holes in his face?” he told the Mirror. “My sheer love for Spongebob clearly drove me to write about how far I would actually go… I was obsessed!”

Since Jack posted images from the diary on Twitter, the story has become a viral sensation.

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