After writing that headline, I had to go back and verify my sources to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating (no more than usual, anyway). Nope, turns out it’s a legitimate news item, courtesy of KETV News in Omaha, Nebraska.
Police are currently investigating the latest in what seems to be a long series of tree stabbings: this Tuesday, three long knives — all of which were wrapped in some kind of raw meat and layers of brown paper and duct tape — were found buried up to their handles in three different trees along the trails of Leavenworth Park in mid-town Omaha.
You may be surprised to learn this is just one in a series of similar incidents, according to residents in the area — who revealed that the elusive plant-hater has been leaving his or her mark around the city for a long time.
“Probably for about the last year, year and a half,” estimates John Costanzo of the Leavenworth Neighborhood Association, who said the Tuesday incident was one of several dozen to date, and people are starting to get nervous.
“Neighbors have been finding steaks or other various pieces of meat pinned to the tree with knives,” he said. “I mean, this is right along the trail that kids use, and having knives readily accessible where kids could pick them up is definitely a hazard.”
Local police also pointed out that the meat involved in the stabbings is “not human.” So at least there’s that.