The 13th Floor

Learn to Practice Surgery at Home!: 10 of the Most Horrendous Toys Ever

Playtime should be fun time, but thanks to some toy manufacturers it can also be a bizarre or even wildly inappropriate time. The following toys either push the boundaries of what is acceptable by today’s standards or are just plain strange.

Roy Rogers Quick Shooter Hat (1950s)

For those occasions when you can’t bring a side arm, but you still need to carry a piece, this unsuspecting cowboy hat comes with a tiny cap gun inside for the quick draw who gets caught off guard. It’s like a PG version of the one Sex Machine uses in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN.

 

Lionel Turbo Missile Firing Trail Car (1950s)

Are the Commies infiltrating your train set?! We’ll send them back to the motherland with this actual missile firing trail car. Made by Lionel, it is a mighty show of fire power, just perfect for Cold War playtime.

 

Baby Alive Snackin’ Sara aka Baby Poops A Lot (Current)

The commercial for this one is a little misleading, showing carrots and peas going in the dolls mouth only to come out the other end as carrots and peas. As a parent, I can tell you what comes out looks far worse that what goes in. Also, why would you want a doll that poops? Dolls are supposed to be the fun part of having a baby. They are cute and fun to dress up, but changing the dirty diapers….not some much.

 

The Tommy Burst Detective Set (1960s)

Complete with machine gun pistol and badge, it doesn’t really offer much in the way of detective gear. It’s more of a shoot first and ask questions later kit to teach your kid all the important values of gun safety.

 

Erwin the Little Patient (Current)(Cover photo)

Finally a toy with guts. Erwin is a happy little fella who’s not afraid to open up for you. Comes with a happy little gown and a big bright smile that screams, “cut me open and take out whatever you want!”

 

 

Breast Milk Baby (2010s)

An educational toy, this little doll simulates nursing when held up to a special apron, but be warned, some people may get upset if you play with this in public.

 

Gung Ho Commando Outfit (1960s)

This insanely realistic Vietnam era toy came with enough gear to outfit a special forces unit, like dog tags so you can identify your dead friends. It even had a belt fed machine gun for when you really need to push the enemy back after they’ve broken through the perimeter. A squad of twelve-year olds could spend weeks tracking the enemy through the jungle outfitted with this stuff.

 

Witch Doctor Head Shrinker Kit (1960s)

The commercial offers “shrunken heads for all occasions”. I wonder if that includes weddings? Oh this looks pretty fun, and this kit has actually become a hot commodity in collector’s circles, especially with horror fans. These are hard to find, especially with the box still intact, and they sell for quite a lot of conventions.

 

Dick Tracy Water Power Jet Gun (1950s)

For the first time ever, caps and water together in one dangerous toy! So each cap explosion comes with a quick burst of water perfect for taking out your best friend’s eye.

 

Party Roulette (Current)

What kid wouldn’t want to reenact their favorite scene from THE DEER HUNTER? This one is actually marketed to adults and is still available for purchase, so enjoy. The perfect edition for any kid’s birthday party!

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