The 13th Floor

California Couple Viciously Attacked by Killer Squirrel

Image Credit: iStock/Dr-Strangelove

That might be the goofiest headline you’ll read all week, but for Richard and Norma Williams of Novato, CA, their recent traumatic experience with the “Squirrel From Hell” was certainly no laughing matter.

The attack wasn’t an isolated incident, either: it’s just one of eight which took place throughout the couple’s neighborhood since Thanksgiving — including a nearby elementary school, where a teacher and one student were injured — all of which are alleged to be perpetrated by the same maniacally aggressive rodent.

Image Credit: iStock/Ryan J. Lane
Image Credit: iStock/Ryan J. Lane

Richard, 87, told CBS News 5 he’d been working in his garage when the squirrel just ran up and leaped on him… “and from then on, the battle started,” he said. “He was really vicious. He was clawing and scratching… Every time I’d get him off, he’d jump back up again.”

Norma, 83, rushed to her husband’s rescue, attempting to knock it off him with a broom… until it turned and leaped on her next, so Richard had to act fast.

“I was able to grab him by the tail,” he said, after which he “threw him on the garage floor and he seemed stunned.”

After their many wounds were treated, the pair were given rabies and tetanus shots. Police have been patrolling the area in search of the suspect (seriously), but according to a new report from San Jose Mercury News, the perpetrator is believed to have died, since the attacks abruptly ceased after the Williams’s home invasion. Nevertheless, authorities have asked locals to remain on guard.

Maybe the Williamses and their neighbors will look back on this incident one day and have a giggle over just how damn bizarre this entire experience has been. But in the meantime, you might want to hold off on those “watch your nuts” jokes.