We’ve been fascinated with the fourth planet ever since we first spotted it in the night sky thousands of years ago, and Earth’s reddish neighbor has always been a source of mystery, fascination… and a touch of horror. Over the past decade, robot rovers including Curiosity, Opportunity and Spirit have been delivering a wealth of amazing images from the planet’s surface, making it seem closer, more familiar and even a bit welcoming… and thanks to new breakthroughs in space travel, there could be a human presence on Mars within our lifetimes.
But what if we get there to discover someone – or something – waiting for us?
Before I get further into this piece, I want to make it totally clear that nobody with real scientific training would do anything but giggle at the theories circulating the web about various “unidentified” objects showing up on the rovers’ cameras. After all, we’ve been through this before with that whole “Martian Monkey Face” thing, which turned out to be just a big lumpy mountain. But this stuff is still fascinating to me, for a couple of reasons: first, it’s a cool example of the trait known as pareidolia, which compels our brains to perceive patterns (faces, for example) in totally random shapes; and second, the horror fan in me secretly wants some of these theories to be genuine… because seriously, giant Martian rock crabs? How awesome would that be?
Okay, enough prologue. I’ll just put my favorite “sightings” out there, and it’ll be up to you what to make of them.
I’ll tell you right now: made-up or not, this thing kinda freaks me out. Maybe it’s the fact that it looks kinda like a spider nestled deep in its burrow, or maybe the discarded skin of an alien facehugger that wandered too far from its egg. NASA first posted the image of this silica-layered rock strata taken by Curiosity in August, and people have been obsessing over that weird, leggy outcropping – and quite a few other strange anomalies in the same photo – ever since.
"Martian Bigfoot"
Aha! Ever since the ‘70s, people have been trying to find the elusive connection between all those Bigfoot and UFO sightings, and finally, thanks to a panoramic shot from the Spirit rover in late 2008, we have the proof we’ve been waiting for. I mean, look at this thing: just getting his shuffle on, confident and not a bit camera-shy. After all, there are no pesky humans encroaching on his territory… not yet, anyway. Any future settlers from Earth better hope this is just an optical illusion, or else big-ass Martian Sasquatch is gonna be pissed.
The "Skull"
Okay, now I’m starting to think this might be more than a case of pareidolia… I mean, if this image from Spirit isn’t revealing a humanoid skull, then what the hell am I looking at? Frontal and parietal bones, eye sockets, nasal cavity, maxilla, and a hint of upper front teeth… everything’s there. But that’s not even the weirdest part: given the dimensions of the photo, the skull would have to belong to a ten-foot-tall giant, or an average-size guy with a ginormous head. Frankly, I don’t know which is creepier.
The "Dinosaur"
Curiosity caught a glimpse of this anomaly in 2013 – one of many sand-blasted forms strewn across what might have once been a riverbed (a concept much more fascinating to scientists than phony fossils). Even NASA experts had to admit it’s a pretty good likeness, all the way down to those pearly-white teeth, but that just gives them a fun way of remembering one of many thousands of rock formations they’ve been studying since the rovers began transmitting. Still, I wish they’d just dig a little bit deeper under there…
The "Rat-Lizard"
WTF is this thing supposed to be, exactly? It’s kind of reptilian, and that bugging “eye” resembles a chameleon, but with rodent haunches and a very rat-like tail. Theories for this one have been entertaining, comparing it to a more friendly-looking rock formation that looks a lot like a squirrel, and postulating that strange rodent/reptile hybrids may have once populated the Martian surface… or maybe they’re still around, sunning themselves on rocks (Mars is really damn cold, BTW) and scrambling for cover whenever a threatening robot rambles by. Sure, whatever.
The "Coffin"
Let’s end on an extra-sinister note with a very familiar and ominous structure, which most casual viewers totally missed when NASA first shared this Curiosity image. But horror fans will immediately note the smooth lines and gothic curves of the classic vampire sarcophagus – the kind Dracula himself would probably find quite restful… if not for the complete lack of warm-blooded creatures on the planet (that we know of, anyway). Even if he could flap his bat-wings in the vacuum of space, 140 million miles to Earth is an awful long way to travel for a late-night human snack.
